i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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