I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
wat bout pragnant strippers??
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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