OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
