bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
