Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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