shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
