well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
