Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
