dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
