Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
