I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
