Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
