You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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