remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
