I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
we're so committed to being not committed
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
