He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
