organizing the empties. That sober.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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