The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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