Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
