So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
