Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
