It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
