I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
