how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
