girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
