apparently the secret to your success is patron
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
