So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
