Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
