I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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