I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
No stitches, just platelets and will power
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
