She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
