fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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