oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
