She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
