My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
