ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Randomize
