if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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