I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
