So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
