You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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