my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
