Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
