Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
