thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
