she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
