Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Randomize
