oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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