we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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