Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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