you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
