if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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