Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
