Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Less talking, more tequila
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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