Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
