Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
