I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Randomize
